Behind the Displays: “Help! My Ex is Harassing Me Online”

This really is a post inside our Behind the Screens series, which explores problems pertaining to abuse that is digital.

Breakups are a definite time that is difficult any few, however they may be a particularly difficult and possibly dangerous time for survivors of abusive relationships. Even though you’re in a position to properly keep the partnership, the partner that is abusive still cause damage from afar in many ways. Technology and social networking create brand brand new spaces where punishment may take spot. This really is called abuse that is digital which is just like unsatisfactory as every other as a type of punishment.

Just because your ex-partner would not exhibit abusive habits through the relationship, there’s nevertheless a chance that emotions of anger, hurt, sadness, loneliness, or loss in control could make them become abusive on line. They might hack into the e-mail records or send emails that are unwanted post unwelcome communications or images on social media marketing web sites, or produce fake pages to harass both you and individuals you realize. If for example the ex is harassing you online, here are a few approaches to manage it:

  • Obviously inform your ex to get rid of harassing you, should you believe safe doing this. It’s important to allow your ex partner understand that what they’re doing is abusive, ideally in an easy method that lets you retain an archive of one’s demand either by saving the writing or e-mail you deliver, or going for a screenshot of a note you send out on line. Once you’ve told your ex partner to get rid of the harassment, try not to react to any communications that are future.
  • Save everything. You may desire to delete the messages that are unwanted, but attempt to keep an archive of every communications your ex partner sends. Save e-mails and talk logs, just take screenshots of status updates, direct communications, responses, photos, or web sites.
  • Do something to boost your on line privacy. Check to ensure that the settings on any social media place you belong to are set to optimum privacy. Replace your passwords, block or unfriend your ex lover, and don’t provide details of the social plans or whereabouts online – this includes“checking that is avoiding to places on Facebook or utilizing apps like Foursquare.
  • In the event the ex is harassing you via e-mail, create an email that is separate having an uncrackable password to utilize just with individuals you trust. Because of this, you can easily keep in touch with family and friends through the email that is new and also you won’t need certainly to visit your ex’s e-mails everyday. Once again, save any emails that are abusive your ex lover sends for your requirements, but don’t react to them.
  • Allow individuals in your help system realize that your ex lover is harassing you, should you feel comfortable doing this. Cause them to become alert to your security plan so they really aren’t tagging you once they sign in to places or else mentioning where you are online. It’s important not to ever undergo this alone and for other people to understand your ex’s behavior. When your ex attempts to contact individuals you understand, question them to not ever react and also to keep documents of these communications aswell.
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  • You might consider taking legal action if you believe your life is being threatened and/or if the harassment continues or escalates. All states have actually regulations against cyberstalking, and it may help to talk to an advocate that is legal protective sales or other appropriate measures. If you decide to pursue appropriate recourse, accurate documentation of one’s ex’s abusive communications will be helpful.

A good resource is the DIY Feminist Guide to Cybersecurity if you are experiencing digital abuse from an ex or current partner. has also details about cyberstalking and online security.

You can phone the hotline when or night at 1-800-799-7233 to speak with an advocate about options and support day. Keep in mind, every person gets the straight to live free of abuse, online and down.